In the previous article: "Old Words" mentioned recording my emotions for a period of time in the "Parallel World" mobile application during my university days. Recently, when organizing the cloud disk data, I saw over a hundred remaining card records. I selected a few more from them, hoping that the words can help you further understand me.
Old#
Time flies by like a white horse.
In an instant, it has become old.
Restraint#
There are often impulses
Imagining the self from the past
Acting recklessly
But what I have learned from growing up
Is only restraint
Yes, restraint
There are often many thoughts that arise
Some perish shortly after being born
Some soar in the blink of an eye
But most of them
Are nurtured into beautiful illusions
Shattering myself and then vanishing
People, ah
They always have to convince themselves first
Before being able to be ruthless enough
But as for me
I never want to be a heartless person
Long#
Almost a year has passed
The time spent here
Is longer than all the past experiences
Under the dyed hair color
Strands of snow white are showing again
I am a bit older than you
So it's only natural for me to be a bit older than you
In this sense
It's not that difficult to accept
It's been a long time since I wrote anything
Actually, I've been quite busy recently
The days are monotonous and pale
At this time, lying in bed and listening to music
Your appearance is still here
Your voice is still here
It's just that a certain me
Has walked a few more years than you
As usual
80th Piece#
In the evening
Feeling low
Sat quietly for a long time
Silent, without saying a word
My mind is filled with thoughts of myself
The meaning of being alive
Just like many times before
Thinking and then giving up
So
I went downstairs and bought a lot of food
Ate it all in one go
The dinner I didn't eat the previous nights
Originally planned to eat and then sleep early
But ended up playing a few rounds of mobile games with my roommate
Life is just so bland
No love or hate entanglements
No worries or concerns
Letting the emotions flow
Only hoping that on that day
I can still see that I am still me
Morning and Evening#
When I woke up
The sky outside was still dark
I tried so hard
But couldn't close my eyes again
Just like usual
I scrolled through my social media feed
Everyone is doing well
We all moved on so quickly together
My mind is chaotic and buzzing
It's a mess of random thoughts
Suddenly, I feel so tired
I want to let go of everything
No empty socializing
No busy pressures
Just me like this
I tried but couldn't achieve it
Let's stop here
The words after this are for myself to hear
That's enough